


If I Drink Enough

by hiimtr_ash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cocaine Use, Drug Use, F/M, and rey has bde, ben is literally a drug dealer, okay listen this is gonna be angsty, she's such a dom it hurts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2020-01-24 09:03:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hiimtr_ash/pseuds/hiimtr_ash
Summary: “Well, if it isn’t Mr. Whiskey neat. You didn’t call.” She placed a hand on the counter, fingers tapping lightly.“No, I didn't. I’m sorry. I just thought…”“Thought what?” Her eyes narrowed, her lips pulling into a line. “That just because I had a few drinks I wasn’t serious? Because I assure you I don’t just give my number to anyone.”“No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I just…” He found himself stumbling over his words, not knowing quite what to say. Rey shook her head, a smile beginning to form on her lips.“You’re just an idiot.” She chuckled, tapping her fingers louder. “I can see right through you.”





	1. Whiskey Neat

**Author's Note:**

> I am SO excited to finally be uploading this. I've been thinking about writing this fic for a long time, and I've finally started. I hope you love it as much as I do. 
> 
> HUGE thanks to my best friend Av for sharing ideas with me, putting up with my bullshit, and critiquing me when I need it. Also big thanks and lots of love to Grace for being my beta <3
> 
> Enjoy!!!

It was a Wednesday night, and Ben Solo was drunk.

He hadn’t shaved this morning, and a 5 o’clock shadow rested comfortably against his cheekbones. Maybe he was just entertaining his own ego, but he thought he looked best this way. Rugged, less than perfect, as messy on the outside as he was internally. 

Sitting at the counter of his favorite bar, he had just finished yet another whiskey. He pushed the glass aside and raised his hand, calling the bartender over with a wave. He poured him another whiskey neat without Ben even having to ask, and he couldn’t tell if that was convenient or just plain pathetic. 

Work had been a drag as usual, with Hux breathing down his neck the whole time. He couldn’t sell one ounce or meet one plug without a critical glance, a roll of the eyes, or a call to Snoke to report something he supposedly did wrong. As it is, the streets had been tight lately, with more cops and less people looking to score. The last thing he needed was a red headed pain in the ass following him everywhere he went. He was surprised he hadn’t followed him here. 

His phone buzzed, and he pulled it up to see a familiar name flash across the screen. Speak of the devil. Ben scoffed and opened the text; it appeared someone needed an eighth and he was the only guy in the area. The guy was on his way here, according to Hux, and he wasn’t entirely surprised he knew where he was. Most people who knew Ben well (and there weren’t many) knew this was how he liked to spend his evenings. 

A half hour passed, with no word from whoever he was supposed to be meeting. He waited patiently, sipping at his drink; he could care less whether the guy showed up or not. Just as he finished another glass, the bar door swung open and a man walked in. Walking slowly, he came and set next to him silently. A moment passed before he finally spoke. 

“Kylo? Kylo Ren?” His voice was shaking a little, and Ben couldn’t help but chuckle to himself - it was always funny to see people nervous over a mere eighth of pot. 

“Bathroom. Two minutes.” Ben stood, nodding at the bartender as he cleared his empty glass. There would be a full one for him when he came back. 

Once the bathroom door swung shut behind him, he reached into his pocket and grabbed out a plastic bag containing an all too familiar green bud. Luckily, it looked like he had just enough. Opening the bag slightly, he leaned in and took a whiff. Strong. Snoke had actually gotten them the good stuff this time; sometimes the quality was… a little subpar. 

The bathroom door swung open, and he tucked the bag into his coat swiftly out of habit. Turning, he was greeted with the same nervous face he’d met minutes ago. 

“Lock the door, don’t want anyone walking in.” Ben nodded in the direction of the door, which the man promptly locked before turning back to him. 

“How much do I owe-”

“$45.” Ben pulled the bag out and handed it to him, leaving his palm open and outstretched for the cash. 

“$45? That’s a little more than last time, I didn’t expect…”

“Do you have it or not? This is good stuff. Costs more.” Ben crossed his arms, growing impatient. He didn’t have time for people who couldn’t pay. 

“Yeah yeah, I got it.” His voice was low and nervous, and he scrambled in his pocket to grab the cash. A moment later he produced the crumpled cash, which Ben promptly counted and tucked into his pocket. 

Reaching into his coat again, Ben produced a card bearing the name “Kylo Ren” in simple black letters, with his number underneath. He handed it to him. 

“So you know how to reach me if you need more.” Ben headed for the door, unlocking it and turning to leave. “Wait a minute before you follow me out. Sit at least a seat away from me.” 

Without giving the man a chance to respond, he headed back out into the bar and resumed his seat, hand wrapping around the fresh drink that had been left for him. 

Behind him, he heard the bar door swing open, and a loud laugh bubbled into the room. It was vibrant and light, and shook the somber mood of the dimly lit bar. He turned his head, locking eyes with one of the most- no, the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

She walked up to the bar, and took a seat directly next to Ben. He resisted the urge to look at her, instead focusing on the way the light glittered against his glass as he took another sip. 

“I’ll have a beer, something local.” Her voice was crisp and sweet, and he knew this was one of those sounds - a sound that sticks with you, even if you only hear it on one wednesday night of your life in a sleazy bar. The bartender poured her a beer and slid it to her smoothly, before walking away to attend to other guests. 

For a moment, there was silence, until he felt eyes on him. He turned to his left, and there she was, looking at him. Never did he think a look could be so loud. Before she could speak, however, the bathroom door swung open and the man from before walked out. When he saw the girl he smiled, but the smile quickly faded when he saw Ben next to her. 

“Poe! Fancy meeting you here. Come, join me!” Ben raised an eyebrow, amused. This was getting interesting. The woman smiled and waved him over, gesturing to the seat next to her. He came and sat down, and made nervous eye contact with Ben. He shot him a stern look, pressing his lips into a thin line. As far as she knows, we’ve never met. Calm down. 

“So, what’s your poison?” It took him a moment to realize she was actually talking to him, after which he took a long sip and tucked a loose strand of hair behind his ear, before answering quietly. 

“Whiskey. Neat.” She smiled, a breathtaking display, and he wondered if he looked as awkward as he felt. He’d never been the type to get nervous around pretty girls, but something about her was different- and he wasn’t sure he liked it. Vulnerability wasn’t exactly his forte. 

“Ahh. Never was much of a whiskey girl myself. Vodka is where it’s at.” She chuckled and took a sip of her beer, licking her lips. Her hair was long, but not too long, resting comfortably on her shoulders, and it framed her face perfectly. “What’s your name, man who likes whiskey neat?” She smiled again, and he could’ve sworn he felt the air leave his lungs. Get it together, Solo. 

“Ben.” He tried to force himself not to mumble, but he was drunk, and she was stunningly gorgeous. 

“Nice to meet you, Ben. I’m Rey, and this is my friend, Poe.” She raised her glass to him, and he raised his in return. She clinked their glasses together, and flashed yet another smile. “Cheers.”

So he had just sold weed to her friend, then. He wasn’t … her boyfriend. Interesting. Ben raised the glass to his lips, watching as she did the same, all while never breaking eye contact. He wasn’t sure, but he could swear that she was smirking at him as she drank, her lips twisted playfully. When they set the glasses down, however, it was just a normal smile again, and the illusion was broken. 

They chatted idly for a while, Poe chiming in here and there (and looking a little less nervous, thankfully). She talked about how she was a mechanic; he deliberately avoided discussing his… profession. She told him about her dream vacation, he told her he’d like to go to Spain. 

As time passed, she got easier and easier to talk to. He wasn’t quite sure why she was even entertaining him; she seemed too good for him. For once, though, he didn’t mind the company. After a while, Poe excused himself to go to the bathroom. A second or two of silence passed before Rey turned to him, and suddenly that smirk he thought he saw earlier was back. 

“Barkeep!” She quipped, all while keeping her eyes on Ben, “Can I get a napkin, please?” She was obviously a little tipsy at this point, and Ben couldn’t help but find it adorable - even if the extended eye contact was inexplicably making his palms sweat. The bartender tossed a napkin in her direction, and, pulling out a pen, Rey pulled it to her and began to write something. 

Just as she finished writing, the bathroom door swung open and Poe began to head back in their direction. Rey looked over her shoulder, scrawling a little more on the napkin before sliding it over to Ben. She leaned over to him, and a he caught a whiff of her perfume; citrus, and something sweet. 

“See you around, whiskey man,” She chuckled, ducking away from him as Poe walked up, an eyebrow raised. “Let’s go Poe-Poe, I’m tired.” She grabbed his arm, leading him towards the door despite his slight protests. She pushed the door open, throwing Ben a sly smile over her shoulder before she disappeared into the night. 

Ben lifted his hand, giving her a slight wave, and took another sip of his whiskey. He glanced down at the napkin she had passed him, his chest constricting when he saw a series of numbers scrawled under her name. Could it seriously be possible that someone like her left him her number? 

And why did that affect him so much? Quite honestly, this whole night was starting to feel like a strange fever dream. 

After a moment of staring at it in shock, he folded it gently and shoved in his pocket, finishing off his drink and standing to leave. Before the somber mood of the bar was comforting to him. But now, without a certain sunshine-like presence, it didn’t feel quite as nice. Walking out into the night, he headed home, her laugh replaying in the back of his mind. 

____________________________________________________

A drink in his hand, Ben stared out his apartment window down onto the street. It was raining, his favorite kind of weather. He hated being wet, but for some reason he adored rain; perhaps because it’s one of the more dramatic kinds of weather. He had places to be, but he allowed himself just a few more moments to watch the downpour.

He didn’t call her - no, how could he? It had been three days since he’d met her, since she’d passed him her number, and he couldn’t get himself to pick up the phone. She was more than out of his league - she was on a whole other planet; and after all, she deserved more than someone like him. Much more. And besides, she would be out the door as soon as she knew what he did to make a living. It was best not to even try. 

Throwing back the rest of his drink, he shook that resonating laugh from his mind and threw on a hoodie. He headed out, careful to lock the door behind him, and started down the stairs with a huff. Living on the eighth floor was a pain in the ass when the elevator was broken.

He hopped in his car, turning the key and waiting for the rolling hum of the engine. After a few turns, the machine sputtered to life - but only for a moment. The sound promptly stopped, the engine falling still. He tried several more times to start it, with no luck. 

“Fuck. Great, just what I need right now.” He got out of the car, slamming the door aggressively, and leaned up against it, running his hand through his hair. Sighing, he pulled out his phone and called a tow truck. 

____________________________________________________________________________

“Thanks man.” Ben smiled flatly, hopping out of the truck. The operator nodded, getting out of the truck himself to release his car. Ben headed inside to the counter, hands stuffed in his pockets. The rain had started to pour a little harder, and his hair got drenched just from the short walk to the building. 

It was a small place, probably family owned or something. The sign above the door read “Sunspot Repair & Auto” in faded orange letters. Swinging open the door, he headed in, brushing the wet hair out of his eyes. A woman stood behind the counter facing away from him, hair tied up in a messy bun. He cleared his throat, speaking loud enough for her to hear.

“Excuse me, miss, my car won’t start and I was wondering if someone could take a look.” The woman turned around, and his heart skipped a beat. It was her. Shit. 

She blew a loose strand of hair out of her face, and placed a hand on her hip, silent for a moment. 

“Well, if it isn’t Mr. Whiskey neat. You didn’t call.” She placed a hand on the counter, fingers tapping lightly. 

“No, I didn't. I’m sorry. I just thought…” 

“Thought what?” Her eyes narrowed, her lips pulling into a line. “That just because I had a few drinks I wasn’t serious? Because I assure you I don’t just give my number to anyone.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant at all. I just…” He found himself stumbling over his words, not knowing quite what to say. Rey shook her head, a smile beginning to form on her lips.

“You’re just an idiot.” She chuckled, tapping her fingers louder. “I can see right through you.” 

“Would you mind looking at an idiot’s car? I think something is wrong with the ignition.” He laughed nervously, confused by her reaction and her innate confidence. She looked out the window at his car being pulled into the garage.

“Tell you what,” She smiled, placing her elbows on the counter and leaning towards him. “I’ll take a look at your car if you buy me coffee.” Her eyes were playful and light, and with how close she was he could smell that perfume again; citrus. His heart stuttered and he caved.

“Alright. Sure, why not.” He returned her smile, hoping to hide the mix of attraction, confusion, and anxiety that he felt. She smirked, stepping away from the counter and around to where he was. 

“Good. I’m due for a coffee break right around now anyways.” She pulled her hair out of its’ bun and slipped the tie around her wrist, grabbing her purse from the counter. Ben bit his lip, her urgency both confusing and arousing him. But then he remembered the work he promised he’d do today, and his brows furrowed.

“Couldn’t you look at my car first? I really have some stuff to-”

“Nah, I think I’ll take that coffee first.” She smirked, her gaze holding him captive. She grabbed his arm, pulling him out the door, and the rain enveloped them. 

What the hell was he getting himself into?


	2. Fuck It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey gets nervous, for once. Ben struggles with something from his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me so long! I've had a lot of personal shit going on, but now I finally have the motivation and the time to write again. so here it is! Chapter 2! I'm so proud and excited and I hope you all love it :) 
> 
> And for more updates and to get to know me better follow me on twitter @daisyridlevs !!!!
> 
> Also, just as a trigger warning, there IS drug use in this chapter, so if that triggers you, please don't read. xx

Eyes fixated on hers, Ben nodded, listening carefully as Rey told him what was admittedly a very entertaining story. As she talked, strands of hair kept escaping her ears and slipping in front of her eyes, obstructing her view. Each time, she reached up and tucked it back, eliciting a frustrated grunt. It was adorable. 

“And then the guy had the nerve to ask me for a refund, which is ridiculous, because I had that car in running order when it left my shop. No doubt.” Rey sipped her coffee, eliciting a loud slurp. Ben couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. She was so animated and alive when she spoke, like she had sparks running through her veins. 

“Some people are just assholes,” he replied with a shrug, sipping his own coffee. He had no idea how long they had been there, but it hadn’t felt long. Talking to her was like talking to someone he’d known for years - like a good friend - the time just flew effortlessly.

“Like you.” She chucked, slurping down the rest of her coffee and plunking down the empty cup. “Lucky for you, I’m forgiving.” There was that lovely smirk again. She pulled her phone out of her pocket, checking the time, and then frowned slightly. Ben didn’t like the way that looked on her. “It’s half past three, I should get back to the shop. Fix your car up for you.” 

She stood without even asking if he was ready to go, heading for the door. It was little things like this that showed off the confidence she exuded. She was the kind of woman who did what she wanted when she wanted, and she just expected him to follow. And unsurprisingly, he did.  
____________________________________________________________________________

After about 45 minutes of waiting in silence while Rey took a look at his car, the door into the garage rattled and swung open, revealing a rather frustrated looking Rey with a smudge of engine grease across her forehead. 

“Did you fix it?” He rose from his seat and strode up to the counter, Rey ducking behind it to grab a rag. She wiped her face, sighing, and placed her free hand on her hip. Even though she was covered in grease and sweat, he couldn’t help but marvel at how beautiful she was. He never thought a mechanic’s jumpsuit could be considered attractive to him. 

“It’s not great. The engine is shot.” 

“Shit,” he muttered under his breath. It wasn’t like money was a problem, he’d be able to get it repaired, but he had a fair amount of work to do tonight and he needed his car. “How soon can you get it fixed?”

“Well I have to order the engine, someone nearby has it I’m sure, and then installing it… I’d say I can have it fixed in a week, tops.” She tossed the rag back under the counter, sighing.  
“Fuck.” He turned away from her, beginning to pace back and forth across the small interior of the shop. “A whole week? He’s gonna kill me.” Rey raised an eyebrow, plunking her elbow onto the counter and holding her head in her hand. 

“Who?” He turned to look at her, and she stared back at him with those big, blue eyes. He froze.

“My.. my boss. I’ll have no way to get to work.”

“Oh. Well you could always rent a car, or get a co-worker to drive you?” She pulled out a brochure from under the counter. “This has all the local rental places, if you need one.” He knew she was just trying to be nice, but it only made him more frustrated. On top of that, he hadn’t had a drink in a couple hours now and was starting to get restless. 

“I could have a co-worker drive me, but that’s… that’s a last resort.” He sighed, putting a hand to his head. When had it started pounding? Rey was silent for a moment, and he could feel her eyes on him. 

“I could drive you today, if that would help you?” She sounded so genuinely concerned, it broke his heart. 

“No no, I couldn't let you do that. You run this place, you gotta stay here.” He turned and headed to the counter, reaching for his wallet. “How much do I owe you for the inspection?” She held her hands up, shaking her head.

“It’s on the house. Seriously. Just save your money for the engine, because I have no choice but to charge you for that.” He raised his eyebrows, removing his hand from his pocket. 

“Are you sure? I can pay for it.” He had a least a thousand in cash on him right now, but she didn’t need to know that. She shook her head again, insistent. 

“Seriously, don’t worry about it. And I’m driving you to work, I won’t take no for an answer.” She leaned down, grabbing her keys, and headed towards the back door. When she realized he wasn’t following her, she turned, giving an exasperated sigh. “Come on. I don’t give orders twice, Ben.” 

She smirked and headed out the door, and he chuckled to himself, following her.  
He ran his hand through his hair nervously, not even sure where he could have her take him. 

“You really don’t have to do this.” He was supposed to go to Snoke’s warehouse to pick up some cargo for delivery, but he couldn’t exactly tell her to drive him straight into the shadiest part of town. 

“Will you please stop it with that kinda stuff? If I’m offering, I want to, and if I want to you can’t stop me.” She unlocked her car, the only one parked behind the building, and swung around to the drivers side, sliding in. “Get in,” she pressed, her hands impatiently tapping the gear shift. He huffed, opening the passenger door and getting in, his head spinning, trying to figure out what to tell her.

“So, where to? You’ve never actually mentioned where you work, I don’t think.” 

It was then that he remembered the coffee shop he went to often on his way back from deliveries. It was only a couple blocks from the warehouse, he could easily walk there.

“Do you know Dagobah Brewing Company? On the corner of Niles and fourth?” He turned to look out the window, trying to avoid making direct eye contact. He never was the best liar, and he had a feeling someone like her could sense bullshit a mile away. 

“Oh yeah! You work there? That’s cool. I like their coffee, but it’s a little out of the way for me so I don’t usually go there.” She started the car and put it in reverse, speeding out of the parking lot. 

“Yeah it's… good coffee.” It was then that Ben remembered he had left his flask in the car, and he clenched his fist. How the hell was he supposed to make it through the night without it?

The rest of the ride was a minefield; Rey kept asking questions about his job, if he liked working at Dagobah, and with each lie he felt a deeper pang of guilt in his stomach. She was really, genuinely trying to be friendly, and he was feeding her lies. 

Finally, they arrived, and Ben couldn’t get out of that car fast enough. 

“Thanks for the ride, Rey. I appreciate it.” He forced a smile, trying to be as genuine as he could. He wanted to be able to smile, he really did- he liked her. But how could he put on a display of joy when he only felt immense self-hatred and guilt? She smiled back, that beaming smile, and hers was genuine. More guilt. 

“Oh no, of course, it’s not a big deal. I’m just glad to help.” She unlocked the doors, and Ben flashed a quick smile again before opening the door and stepping out. Just as he was about to shut the door, however, her hand reached out to prop it open. “Wait,” she muttered, sounding uncharacteristically nervous. 

“Is something wrong?” He raised an eyebrow, leaning down to meet her eyes. 

“Uhm,” she looked away and shoved her hand into her pocket, pulling out a crumpled piece of paper. “Here,” she held it out to him. He took it, looking it over. It was a number.

“Your phone number? Why would I need-”

“For your car!” she blurted out, a slight flush covering her cheeks. “Just uh, text me when you can so I’ve got yours, and I can keep you updated on the repairs.” He nodded, the guilty pang in his stomach turning to a fluttering feeling. 

“Right,” he chuckled and nodded, shoving the paper in his pocket and taking a step back. “Thanks again, Rey.” He flashed another smile, shutting the door and turning to walk inside the coffee shop. 

He heard the car pull away as the door swung behind him, and turned his head slowly to make sure it was gone. Just to be safe, he ordered a coffee and sat in a dark corner of the shop you couldn’t easily see from the street. 

After 20 minutes of waiting, he figured he was probably safe and headed out. Walking the two or so blocks to Snoke’s warehouse was easy, but explaining why he arrived on foot was not easy in the slightest. Snoke and his whole crew had a tendency to be quite...paranoid. As soon as he entered the warehouse, he was accosted by Hux.

“Where have you been? You’re late. And where’s your vehicle? Was it stolen? Have our operations been compromised?” Hux’s face was fixed into it’s usual bitter glare, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. Dressed in a suit, per usual, he looked as overly formal as ever. 

“Relax, Hux. My car’s engine is shot, so I walked. Everything is fine.” He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, watching as Hux’s expression twisted into suspicion. 

“You walked? The whole 15.26 miles from your home to this warehouse?” He took a step closer to Ben, perhaps in an attempt to intimidate him, which was ridiculous considering Ben was much wider and taller than he was. Ben sighed, crossing his arms.

“How do you know the exact distance from here to- nevermind. Fine. I got a ride from a friend. They dropped me off a few blocks away, they have no idea where I am now. Our location is secure, I promise.” Hux’s brow dropped, and he frowned.

“Very well. But if any compromise arises in our operation in the upcoming months I will seek to hold you accountable. Now, we’ve prepared the delivery car for you as usual. The cargo is under the lining of the trunk. The address is pre-loaded into the navigational system of the car. You know where to leave the money when you’re done.” Hux clasped his hands behind his back and turned on his heel, swiftly making his exit. 

Ben sighed in relief and made his way to the car, popping open the trunk. He ought to know what he was delivering, anyways. Lifting up the bottom of the trunk, he inhaled sharply at the sight of what had to be at least 20 kilos of coke. This was the most they’d had him deliver in a while- the market must be picking up. 

Placing the bottom back and shutting the trunk, he hopped in the car and started it, signaling a guard to open the automated door. It rolled open, and then he was on his way.

____________________________________________________________________________

 

Pulling up to the drop point, he put the car in park and turned it off. It looked like a normal house, set in a somewhat suburban area. It was dark now, perfect for this kind of… transaction, which made Ben a little less nervous. Daytime deals were always more anxiety inducing. Hopping out of the car and walking up to the door, he knocked firmly and waited. After a moment a stocky man covered in tattoos and engulfed by his lengthy beard answered the door, opening it only a crack. “Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m with Snoke. Got a delivery.” Ben jerked his head in the direction of his car, and the man understood. 

“Back into the garage, I’ll open it for you.” He shut the door and disappeared, and the garage door began to creak open. 

Once inside, the man shut the garage and looked Ben up and down, almost sizing him up. The man had brought a friend with him, as well, who looked on silently.

“Where is it?” He crossed his arms, looking in the windows of the car. As if they would just leave it in plain sight?

Ben opened the trunk without saying a word and removed the bottom, gesturing to the pristine bricks. The man nodded, picking one up and checking it for anything suspicious. 

“Looks a’ight. J, start unloading and put them in the safe.” His acquaintance started doing as he asked, while the bearded man focused on Ben once again. “You, follow me.” 

Not wanting to cause any trouble, but definitely guarded, Ben followed the man into his house. He wasn’t armed, so if things went to shit he wasn’t sure how the fuck he’d get out- but he tried to keep that out of his mind. 

The man led them into a living room. All the curtains were drawn, and there were bongs and liquor bottles everywhere. He gestured for Ben to sit down, which he did. 

“Alright man, whatever your name is-”

“I go by Kylo, or Kylo Ren.”

The man raised an eyebrow, chuckling.

“That’s one hell of a street name. Alright then, Ren, you can call me Ox. See now, I’ve never bought from Snoke before, so we need to do a little quality test here. And you’re gonna do it with me.”

“I can assure you the quality is-”

“Your word doesn’t mean shit to me, man. I need to see first hand. For all I know the shit could be poison. I don’t wanna be killing my fucking customers.” Ox pulled out a knife, slashing open the brick he still held in his hand, and scooped some out on the knife. Depositing it on the table, he pulled out a credit card and two dollar bills, handing one to Ben as he cut the coke into several lines. 

Ben had dabbled with coke in the past- more than dabbled, actually. He had a little bit of a problem, though it took him forever to admit it. Eventually his family noticed- that was before they gave up on him- and helped him get clean. Now it was just alcohol that kept it’s iron grip on him. He didn’t want to relapse, not with coke, not now, but it was obvious to Ben at this point that he didn’t really have a choice. The man was armed, and it would probably be better for customer relations to just suck it up and do it. Plus, it was just one time, how much damage could it really do?

He rolled the dollar and leaned down, pausing when he noticed his hands were shaking. 

“Come on then. I don’t have all fucking day.” Ox was watching him. Waiting. 

“Fuck it,” he muttered, leaning down and inhaling a line. The rush hit him instantly, and he fell backwards onto the couch, his body suddenly a livewire. 

“Shit,” he chuckled, bolting upright and leaning in to snort a second line. “I forgot how good this shit was.”

Ox was watching him, studying him for an adverse reaction, but Ben barely noticed. He’d missed this feeling for years, and nothing could bother him right now. He leaned down, doing a third line, and he faintly heard Ox chuckle. 

After that, the night became a blur. 

____________________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Ben woke up on Ox’s floor, surrounded by beer bottles and dollar bills and white powder, and more shame than he could’ve imagined. As he packed the car with the money he was owed and drove away, he tried to shake the anxiety weighing him down. 

“Never again. Never, ever again.” He muttered to himself. Although if he was being honest, he wasn’t sure if he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me but this is only gonna get angstier. I hope you enjoyed! Leave a comment and let me know what you think! xxxx
> 
> Also if you want more info on updates and to just get to know me better, follow me on twitter @daisyridlevs !!!


End file.
